3 ways to become your followers favorite leader

Having no clue what I wanted to do with my life, in 2008 I entered college as an undeclared business major.

During a late fall day, as I crunched dead leaves beneath my feet, I thought, “How does Marketing 101 and Management 101 feel like the same class? This is so boring.”

I swiped my fob into Jasper Hall, turned left down the first floor and pushed through heavy wooden door into my room. My roommate, Mike, always in the same position, half laying-half propped up by pillows, stoned harder than the Statue of David, couldn’t muster a simple, “Yo,” of acknowledgment as I entered.

I tossed my backpack on my bed, changed out of my jeans and into my gym shorts, grabbed my iPod shuffle, and headed for the weight room.

The one place I felt at safe and comfortable in. My home away from home.

As I finished my final set of curls, I paced toward the dumbbell rack, set the weight down and met my eyes in the full length mirror that stretched the length of the wall.

“It would be so cool to be a personal trainer,” I thought to myself.

“But that’s not a real career path.”

I pushed myself up off the dumbbell and made my way to the matted area to do core.

10 years later, as a civil engineer in New York City (I switched majors after Freshman year), I quit my job and moved to Colorado to pursue personal training and CrossFit coaching full time.

10 years!!!

I knew I wanted to be a personal trainer 10 fucking years before FINALLY going all in on it!

My parents, society, fear, rationality, the norm… it all convinced me in less than a breath of time to not even consider pursuing my dreams. The thing that brought me joy. The thing that made me feel safe, excited, inspired, and happy.

Hey… a decade is still better than most people.

But I don’t want to be most people. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place!

Breaking the conditioning

3 years ago I was living in my first ever solo apartment. Since graduating I always had roommates. Now was the first time I was free to do ​snow angels naked in any room I wanted.​

I turned the 2nd bedroom into my office and slapped my desk right in the middle of the space with a giant bookshelf behind me. I had the place optimized for inspiration and content creation.

That winter I was massively frustrated with my business.

I was set up to launch my signature program, Personal Trainer Business Accelerator, for the 5th time… but I wasn’t a personal trainer anymore.

Throughout the last few years I had fallen in love with photography, began obsessing over my own branding and content and even helping other CrossFit gyms with theirs. I felt disconnected from the niche I was marketing to and began to question what the rest of my entrepreneurial life would look like.

“This is it? I’m going to run the PTBA over and over again… for how long? I’m not even a personal trainer anymore…”

I asked myself what I really loved and who I really want to help.

What was my truth? Because honestly, the PTBA has never felt like a full body fuck yes to me.

“Well…” I thought.

I mentally began listing off everything I’ve gone through since riding my bike across America in 2016, quitting corporate in 2018, moving across the country, becoming a personal trainer, getting married then divorced, becoming a professional CrossFit photographer, launching my first online course in April of 2020 (called The Brand Framework 🙃 which is nothing like how it looks today) without hiring a coach to teach me how… I just went for it and modeled what I saw on Instagram.

“I have gotten really good at taking bold action toward the thing that feels aligned and right. Not what the ‘smart’ thing to do is, but what I believe is my true next step.”

I turned to the whiteboards I had hung on the wall, erased what was on one of them and wrote, “People hire leaders, not coaches”

This felt so right to me—down to my bones.

I knew the best leaders, the leaders I loved, lead by doing, not by talking.

A Coach vs A Leader

At the beginning of 2022 I “changed my niche” and wanted to help Matt from 2018 (or younger). He didn’t love his job, wanted to pursue his passion, but didn’t know how.

There wasn’t a real problem with this pivot except my marketing.

I was still stuck trying to position myself as a coach, not a leader.

When I think of a coach, I think of my coaches from my high school sports days. They taught me how to improve, gave me tips and pointers, but they weren’t playing baseball anymore. And they obviously weren’t playing with me.

When I think of a leader, I think of the captain of the team. The guy who’s in the trenches with you. The guy who strikes out but doesn’t throw his bat. The guy who makes an error and keeps his head up. And of course… the guy you want at bat when the game is on the line.

While I might respect my coaches, I want to BE like the captain.

That was the problem with my content. I was only showing up as the coach.

A whole bunch of “how to do this” content and not enough “here’s what I’m doing”

I knew it and yet… I still didn’t fully embody this until probably like 5 months ago.

It’s the same story as taking 10 years to become a personal trainer.

I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t trust myself to go all in on it.

Content like this wasn’t the norm.

Every coach made educational content and every mentor told you to make content like that. “Give away your best information and clients will come flooding in!”

For me, it was scary to break this mold.

Not only did I have to break my own habits of thinking of and creating content that was only educational (the way everyone else made it and the way I’d been making it for the last 2 years), but most of all, I had to trust myself. That this was not only the place I knew content and marketing is heading, but regardless, trusting that doing things MY way is the right way.

Once I did, everything changed.

I’m not just talking about business, I’m talking about life.

Embodiment Content

The content you create is your opportunity to fully embody who you say you are and what you believe.

If I believe a big part of my own healing lay in the hands of trusting myself to speak my truth and feel safe no matter the outcome, but I lie on Instagram or even water my message down, the only person I am hurting is myself.

This would be a continual practice not trusting myself to speak my truth. If I really want to trust myself to speak my truth in the hardest situations imaginable, it would be wise to take as many reps as possible in all areas of life.

Many of my relationships have ended because I don’t speak my truth. It’s a wound from childhood. I am always the nice guy. I’ll do whatever you want.

“Pizza or Burgers? I don’t care, you choose!”

There are many issues with this, one being an internal resentment because I’m not living a life I fully love. I’ve never blamed my girlfriend, but it shows up in different ways that eventually leads to disconnection in the relationship.

I was afraid to own what I wanted for the fear of being responsible for making the wrong decision (this also forces the woman I’m dating to step into her masculine and make decisions which lessens her ability to be in her true feminine essence. But that’s not what you’re here to read about).

Me speaking my truth isn’t just about creating content, it’s about my ability to embody this in all areas of life. It was once difficult to chose where to go to dinner, but after many reps, it’s easy. This sets me up to speak my truth about higher stake situations and stop being the nice guy and sacrificing my own desires.

Should we move to Oregon?

How many kids do you want?

I think you work too much.

Questions like these are ones that I used to never be able to share my full truth on, but since I’ve put in the reps, it’s becoming easier.

If I ask you to be brave enough to speak your truth, it would be out of integrity if I didn’t, whether we’re talking about content or any other situation in life.

1. The Unfuckwithable Leader

It’s fair to say, since you’re reading this, you want to become an unfuckwithable leader. To have the ability to remain clam and grounded under any circumstance.

The most unfuckwithable version of you could get 54,000,000 views on a post, 10,000,000 likes and 6,000 hateful and mean comments and DMs and it wouldn’t phase you.

Will we ever be this unfuckwithable?

I don’t know.

But if you let the idea of ONE of those comments stop you from speaking your truth. Then you are letting an idea stop you from becoming exactly who you want to be (in this case: an unfuckwithable leader).

If this is true then we get to take one step closer to becoming exactly who we want to be today by taking bold action toward the thing you fear.

I’ve been diving back into Joe Dispenza’s work and heard him say this, “When it’s no longer about healing, and it’s about change, that’s when the unexpected happens.” (You can exchange healing for abundance or whatever the goal is.)

I love the idea that all we get to do here on earth is focus on getting 1% better. It’s when we focus on the healing or the abundance and then it doesn’t come is when we get so frustrated and shameful and we shrink back until the emotion has faded and we feel brave enough to try again.

Instead we let go of the outcome and just focus on what we can control. Our thoughts and actions.

You don’t get over the fear of judgement by waiting for confidence to show up. You gain confidence by posting vulnerable content and dealing with the results.

2. Becoming World-Class

Now it’s time to use content to become world-class at your work.

Get in trenches with your people just like the Captain of the baseball team.

• ​Codie Sanchez​ teaches people how to generate wealth by buying boring businesses and she buys and owns a lot of boring businesses
• ​Nick Bare​ sells supplements to the hybrid athlete and he is fucking JACKED and runs sub 3-hour marathons and some insanely long ultra-marathons.
• ​WimHof​ breaths deeply and holds world record for sitting in ice
• I take bold action when I feel my truth in my bones and I tell those stories

Embodiment content is fucking SICK because you get to go be the best version of the transformation you’re trying to sell people.

So, if you are a…

• Therapist who helps people pleasers, are you being bold in your real life to stand up for yourself and speak your mind?
• Corporate leadership coach who teaches self-understanding are you having grace with yourself even when you’re not happy about where your business is right now?
• World-class pilates mentor are you learning more about the body and implementing it on yourself before teaching it?
• If you’re a human design coach who helps people build deep connections and community, have you started a monthly meet up group in your city?

If yes, great!!

Tell the story of the most recent time you embodied the thing you teach.

Doing it is one thing.

Sharing it as content is NEXT LEVEL.

If we write an essay and give it to a friend, before even hearing their perspective, our relationship to the work changes. Give it to a mentor and our perspective shifts in a different way. We interrogate ourselves when we offer our work up to others. We ask the questions we didn’t ask ourselves when we were making it. Sharing it in this limited capacity brings our underlying doubts to light. – Rick Rubin in The Creative Act

Because you know you’re going to share this moment with the internet, watch as you recall the story and how it transforms from just in your head to the final piece of content.

Spoiler alert: you will have been more considerate of how you say what you’re saying and make sure people will understand the concepts that, probably at this point, are fairly automatic for you.

You don’t really know something until you make a video about it.

That’s what makes a great leader and a great coach.

Do the thing and then break it down so others can understand how to do it.

Embodiment AND expertise.

But we ain’t done yet!

Then watch what happens the second you hit post and it’s out in the world.

Everything changes about your relationship to that piece.

Almost immediately I start thinking, “Shit, I could have said that better”

(most recently ​the chocolate cake reel​ could have had a better hook and ​the Nike commercial reel​ could have had way better hook and have bold told better. I knew like 30 seconds after I hit post (but once I hit post with a reel, I’m done with it and move on to the next idea)).

3. Raving Fans

If you want to be a great therapist, you will read all the same popular books as every therapist.

When you go to make content, you will end up sharing the exact same things as every therapist.

That’s the recipe for blending in.

Instead of trying to teach the internet all the same stuff everyone else already knows.

Why not share your experiences.

Because you are a multi-passionate human and like other things like

• Snowboarding
• Breathwork
• Coffee

and the other weekend you went snowboarding and got stuck in a tree-well and literally thought you were going to die in there.

But then you used breathwork to regulate your emotions and in a clam state was able to crawl out of the tree-well and go on to enjoy the rest of your day on the mountain without panicking every time you get near another tree and end the early (which is what would have happened a year ago).

That’s the content!!! That’s the embodiment!!!

This does 4 things:

1. As a coach, you are finally speaking about your work differently more clearly and tangible than every other therapist because you used a story
2. As a leader, you show that you embody your work
3. You develop a deeper connection with your audience because they snowboard or ski too and they think, “oh she totally gets it!” That is the feeling of belonging and safety (being seen, heard, and understood). Nothing feels better than that.
4. You will find that you begin integrating your work even faster because, if you think about sharing this moment on social media, how would the highest version of you want to handle this? Now, every moment becomes an opportunity to become the highest version of you.

Now you’re building raving fans, developing mastery in your craft, and becoming exactly who you want to be.

This is why I love content.

So fun. So Expansive.

If you liked this, here’s the next article I think you should read: ​The Anti-Niche: Content for the Multi-Passionate​

Thanks for being here,

Matt

P.S. Let me know what you liked about this email on Instagram ​@matthew.allyn​ so I can do more of it!