Two weeks ago I held my very first retreat in Austin, Texas for the year long Storyliving Mastermind group.
The intention of the mastermind was spawned from two core desires.
The first came after a 2-hour phone call with a good friend.
We had been voice noting each other 5+ minute messages and realized it was time for a proper catch up call. But neither of us could find the time. We are busy entrepreneurs with active lifestyles after all.
Week after week went by. Neither of us able to commit to a time.
Life.
I finally said, “you know, I think the fact that neither of us ‘has time’ is exactly why we need this call and we need to make the time.”
She agreed. I sent over my calendar and she booked a time. Being on my google calendar is as good as dessert. I ain’t missin’ it.
Our two hour call was so enriching. She support me. I supported her. All my troubles seemed so distant and I felt ready to take on the next week with a confident ease.
I hung up, breathed in the fresh summer air and thought, “that’s gotta be the best 2 hours of my week. Maybe my month. Why do I not prioritize these calls?”
The second desire came after my therapist was talking about our responsibility in relationships. He said, “I am sorry for playing small because it has allowed you to play small.”
Fuck that’s so good.
I woke up the following morning and reflected on the current membership I was running. While there were some great success stories, I wasn’t satisfied with everyone else’s progress in the group. I felt like I was playing small, which allowed them to play small.
I asked myself, “if money and time weren’t an issue, what would I create?”
My clients are here to do their life’s work, create lasting change in the world and build a legacy.
“So, time really isn’t an issue,” I wrote in my journal, “If we are going to be doing this work for the next 5 decades, wouldn’t it be worth taking a full year to intentionally build our life’s work exactly how we dream of it being. Not in a rushing urgency mode and not stuck in the trap of how we ‘should be’ making content or delivering our services, but the way each person truly desire to do it.”
I also considered the promise I was offering my clients.
Becoming better storytellers, communicators and creators wasn’t just about learning formulas, scripts or frameworks. When people ask me how I’ve become a great storyteller, the true answer is that 99% of the work is learning to love yourself and to connect deeply to your soul.
Without consistent practices of, what I call Communion, I would never be able to create the work that I do. Communion consist any soul hydrating activity that releases you from consumption and helps you connect more fully with yourself. Activities like meditation, breathwork, journaling, unplugged walks and time in nature, proactive ideation and reflection time, parts work, or immersing yourself in your hobbies.
Currently, I wasn’t offering space for that in this container. I was playing small.
Those two created two core desires mixed with a philosophy I already hold dear to my heart.
Everything works.
Scroll through your feed right now. You’ll see all types of content from all types of creators selling all types of offers.
It all can work.
What doesn’t work is creating something from fear and scarcity because you’ve been sold a lie that you’re broken and you have to do it this way or you’ll be doomed to failure forever.
What doesn’t work is creating something the way you think you should because that’s how so-and-so does it.
Creating from contraction and fear only creates more of it.
We make rules for ourselves and create unnecessary suffering when the pursuit could actually be far more energizing and therefore more fun.
Instead of hoping what you build will give you access to more love, joy, and excitement, choose to build with love, joy and excitement. Because there’s no arrival. All we ever have is the build. The present moment.
If everything work, your actually goal is to attune to what works best for you?
When you figure it out. Do that and build it unapologetically.
(hint: if you are brave enough, you already know what it is, you just need to say it)
And thus, the round one of the mastermind, The Oak Cohort, was born with these core desires.
- Have close like-minded friends on a similar path so you could have nourishing and empowering conversations about changing the world so taking bold action becomes more effortless (like the phone conversation I had)
- Have a space that encourages you to commune with self so you can reconnect to your soul
- So you can boldly build what you truly desire to build (because everything works)
This takes us to the retreat.
I am one week out and I can feel this part of me that needs everyone to see me as “wise guru” in order to feel worthy.
Being the storytelling guy. Being the athlete. The artist. The playful silly guy. All of this pails in comparison to the worth of the spiritual guide.
I can feel the need for this part of me to be satiated.
I want people talking about this retreat the way people talk about their ayahuasca journeys.
I am worried what I have planned isn’t enough.
This part of me is crying out.
It wants the praise and trust the people I admire receive from their audience. It wants the cult-like following and love for my work and this part of me believes being perceived this way is the best strategy to achieve that.
“So let’s say you get all of that praise.” I ask the spiritual guru. “Then what? What do you hope that gets you?”
I’ll ask SG this question until I get to the truth of what my soul desires.
“My heart would explode out of my chest with fullness if my life consisted of gathering around a fire with people I admire to have deep philosophical conversations about our visions for changing the world and who we need to become to create that change.
“Then we would play. We’d get to be silly. We’d feel safe and secure for our weirdness to be on full display like it’s 2003 and we’re in the basement of our best friends house shoving Tic Tacs up our noses and rocketing them at each other while Johnny Tsunami plays in the background.
“We would belly laugh about nothing and then gather around the dinner table and talk deeply about what’s on our soul. And then we’d have dessert.”
That’s what I want.
So why not create that?
I’m not the guy you come to to sit in Vipassana for 6 hours.
I’m not the medicine man who’s going to clear your chakras.
That work is great, but there’s something more true to my soul that I get to offer.
My soul wants to make this journey toward enlightenment a lot more fun.
And isn’t that core ingredient that has been missing in the online container of the mastermind for these first 4 months?
Yes.
That’s what I get to bring to this retreat.
Night one begins under an almost full moon with the 10 members of the Oak cohort gathered around the fire for a welcome ceremony.
I begin with gratitude and to share my 2 core intentions for this retreat:
- Deepen everyone’s relationship to each other
- Have fun
so that when we return to the online container for the next 8 months we feel more connected and supported so we can take bolder action together.
I won’t continue to share every detail of what we did during the retreat because (1) it’s sacred and special and (2) I wouldn’t want to spoil it in case you come one day.
BUUUUT, here’s a taste of some of the fun.
The first full day began with a relay race that included the following activities:
- Flip cup (water)
- swim a lap in the freezing cold pool
- 20 burpees
- eat a cookie off your own forehead without using your hands
- wrap someone head to toe in toilet paper
- everyone on the team must make a corn hole shot to win
Here’s the big catch. Before the next person was allowed to go, you had to pull a question written by another mastermind member out of a bowl and answer it live on your Instagram story. Once it was posted (verified by me), the next team member could go.
The energy was wild. And as far as taking messy action and sharing something truthful on Instagram, people weren’t over thinking. Just showing up messy, wet, covered in toilet paper and truly having fun.
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On top of this I also introduced a game called “dare die” which originated at bachelor parties and has made it’s way into our family gatherings. And now I offered it to the Oaks.
The rules of the game are:
- The holder of the die can dare any one person to do anything
- The roller then picks a number between 2-6
- If the roller hits that number, the person has to do the dare. If it lands on any other number between 2-6, nothing happens
- The catch: the roller is always 1. So if the die lands on 1, the roller has to do the dare
So don’t dare anything you wouldn’t want to do yourself!
It’s a game of integrity. If any one person backs out of the dare, the game falls apart.
Nobody backed down this weekend. We had people twerking on walls (I think everyone ended up twerking), smashing cake into faces and screaming at the top of our lungs.
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The rest of the retreat consisted of a guided breathwork session, group dinners, one-on-one connection time, group masterminding, birthday celebrations, and of course, some storytelling.
On Sunday morning as the group said goodbye I could see the smiles of joy and feel the love and connection that was created.
It felt like I had met my intentions.
Fun and connection.
Then I boarded the plane to head home
I am one hour into the flight, settled in. I reach into my bag and pull out the thank you card the group wrote for me.
I hold it to my heart preparing myself for an overwhelm of emotions.
I read it. 10 heart-felt notes of passionate praise and yet… I sat there and felt nothing.
Numb.
“Wtf?” I asked myself, “I know this was a great weekend. I saw it. I felt it. Now I read this card that is blanketed in gratitude, thanks and love and I…
“I just can’t receive it.”
I took a deep breath in.
Softened into the exhale.
“I don’t believe them,” the Spiritual Guru chimed in.
“Fun? That’s it?” SG mocks me as I stare blankly at the safety pamphlets in front of me.
I take another deep breath in; this time into the knot in my stomach.
“What would satisfy you?” I asked as I push the button to recline in my chair.
“If everyone woke up on Sunday and said, ‘You healed all my wounds, Matt!!’ would that be enough?”
I follow the exhale up to my chest.
To my heart.
Pinched shut.
Another breath.
Slower.
I let it melt over my heart.
“I want to believe it,” SG shared. “I’d like to read it again and I’d like to receive it. I want to let it in. I want to let it all in.”
With a final breath, I leaned forward over the tray table and began read the card again.
“Matt – you already know what I think of you…”
A tear splashed the ink.
I read on.
“Thank you for creating this Oak Cult!”
“Oak Cult 4 lyfe!!”
I began to feel like the Grinch, like my heart was growing 3 sizes.
I read as the words began to blur until the final line which read, “…for now, let’s soak it all in.”
And so I did.
I eased back into my chair, lowered the brim of my hat over my eyes, and the Spiritual Guru wept as he felt his grip release and dissolve.
Thanks for being here.
I hope to see you soon,
Matt
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